I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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