You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
