Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
