I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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