i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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