you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
