community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
