Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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