I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
