can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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