My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
