I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
