I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
