Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
