so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
