this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
