it wasn't lemon gatorade
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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