My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
