did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
