Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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