WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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