just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he thought i was a dude.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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