hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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