I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think my moral compass just broke
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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