My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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