Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
