Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dick has a subreddit
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
