I want to make a zoo with you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
