Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
