Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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