I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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