I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
