i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
