I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
