What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
