we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
