Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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