hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
