The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
