Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
