well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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