Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
