Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
