We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
