At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
