I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
