I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
