I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
