I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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