He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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