haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
