i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
