im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My balls are so social today.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
