i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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