I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
