Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
