i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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